If Elected, He'll Consistently Ring Your Doorbell During Dinner

Male Painter: Yeah who would had thought the man McCain would win it. I tell you what he did, he exposed Giuliani.
Woman assistant: Whatchoo mean?
Male Painter: Well you know, he is a Mormon! It was all this big secret but it just came out on the news!
Woman Assistant: Is that right?
Male Painter: Yeah you know it's all Christian and shit, but it's still a cult.

-Pirate's Alley, French Quarter

Overheard by: http://gumbofile.wordpress.com

Not In That Order

Stuck in the airport guy: Damn it, woman. I need to borrow 756 dollars so I can buy a Swarovski crystal moose and a pint of beer.

-the airport

Overheard by: Elsha

Depends On If You Have the Baby

Woman: How many weight watchers points is a fist sized piece of king cake?

-Mid-City

Overheard by: deuce

Spears Family Logic

Older Woman: Why are you sleep deprived?
Younger Woman: Stupid boy stuff.
Older Woman: It doesn't get any easier when you get older. You just have to work with it.
Younger Woman: Yeah? well I'd sure like to SLEEP with it.
Older Woman: ...
Younger Woman: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!

-work

Overheard by: sophia

Clean Up On Aisle 13

Random Yat(referring to parts for lamps): What's this section? Is this where dey have da three-way stuff? Oh, yeeeah, this is da three-way section! There's a three-way over here!

-Wal-Mart

Overheard by: H.M. King Mob

DIAF!

Kid: You dyed your hair red.
Adult: Yes, I did! What do you think?
Kid (with enthusiasm): well... if there was a fire, you'd totally blend in!

-in the hallway

Overheard by: are my roots showing?

Best Sushi In Town

(Two "Over The Hill" Frat Boys walking next to the cathedral)
Frat boy 1# (turning to Frat boy #2): She smelled like someone slapped her in the pussy with a wet trout!

-Pirate's Alley

Overheard by: DoomsdayKlock

So Sayeth the Bearded Lady

Girl: You sure are getting a lot of attention.
Man in female anime halloween costume: If I'd known drag would have gotten me this far I'd never have bought that puppy.

-Mojo

Overheard by: MiniPeds

When A Problem Comes Along, You Must Drink-it

Trashed Guy on Halloween: Dude... it's better to be drunk than to be on whip-its for even ten seconds!

-frenchman and decatur

Overheard by: I disagree

Cultural Awareness Now With Every Happy Meal

Hungry Girl: Oh order the whole meal! We could get some 'papas fritas!'
Ditzy Girl: What's that?
Hungry Girl: It's French Fries.
Ditzy Girl: Oh my God! That's AMAZING!
Puerto Rican Guy: Um, no... That's SPANISH.

-McDonald's Drive Thru

Overheard by: Baxter, you know I don't speak Spanish

By Comparison, This Title Is Funny

Teacher 1: God this room is a mess.
Teacher 2: Don't worry! It's not nearly as bad as when Jim* worked here. Compared to how he left it this is amazing!
Teacher 1: Yes well, that's like saying the Jews have had it great since Hitler died. It's not much of a basis for comparison.

-elementary school

Overheard by: gentile neat freak

Go Into the Light, Carol Anne

Girl 1: GAH! Why do I keep looking at the flash?!
Girl 2: ...Moth?

-The Whirling Dervish

Overheard by: Minipeds

In Fact, You Probably Should Afterwards

Him: No, I can't come to your hotel room and swim in your pool. I have to get tested for AIDS.
Her: You can get tested for AIDS later!

-French Qaurter

Overheard by: Kramkrad

Samuel L. Jackson Spends His Nights Coding

Nerd At Bar: And by "woot," I mean "double u zero zero plus sign," motherfucker!

-Mojo Lounge

Overheard by: Pretty Princess

That's What I Call a Good Weekend

Teacher: and what would you be if you ran in the wet grass?
Second Grader 1: WET!
Teacher: and what else?
Second Grader 2: PUNISHED!

-playground

Overheard by: your mom

Too Bad He's Always Stale

Indie Girl: Christ on a cracker!
Indie Guy: um, where I go to church, Christ IS the cracker.

-uptown

Overheard by: the ex

She's a Parselcunt

Girl 1: You just say you're in Slytherin because you think you look good in green.
Girl 2: No... I say I'm in Slytherin beacause I'm a cold-hearted, manipulative bitch!
Girl 1: Um... touchee.

-Bennigans

Overheard by: Gryfflepuff Seeker

Double Plus Good Thing

Health Insurance Trainer: So, every time you log into the system, Big Brother is watching you!
Bookkeeper: Oh my god!
Health Insurance Trainer: It's ok, it's a good thing! Big Brother is watching me too!

-The Office

Overheard by: a lowly proletariat

That's Not Its Bellybutton

Girl #1: (speaking to a man sipping a martini) Your olive looks like it has a belly button.
Girl #2: It's called a pimento.

-Cooter Brown's

Overheard by: I Prefer Cosmopolitans

If Only He Were On the Myspace Webaverse

Man on Bike (looking at guy walking with 3 girls): Man, some guys have all the luck.
Disenchanted Girl: And some guys are you.
Man on Bike: No, see, I'm a singer around here. I'm on the youtube internets.
(Man proceeds to sing gospel music while riding bike next to the group of people, who are ignoring him. Man, perplexed, looks at Disenchanted Girl.)
Man on Bike: Are you Jewish?
Disenchanted Girl: Yes.
Man on Bike: I was wondering why no one was enjoying the music.
Disenchanted Girl: That's not why.

-Bourbon Street

Overheard by: The Moderator