Next Week on ElimiDate

(Drunken Blonde and Goth Junkie boyfriend are stubling down the street.)G.J.: You haven't listen to a god damned thing that i've said all evening.
(G.J. pushes D.B. down on the sidewalk and she begins to cry.)
D.B.: (sobbing) Why did you push me down......why?
G.J.: Cause i love you...Bitch!

-Corner of St.Philip and Royal St.

Overheard by: Polish Prince

That's Cause He's Your Son

School Bookkeeper: That little boy always hugs me. I don't know that kid from a can of paint!

-Summer Camp

Overheard by: Tiger Lily

Lessons In White Girl Geography

Uptown girl on cell: I'm way down in the Lower Ninth Ward. It's even past the railroad tracks!

-3500 block of St. Claude

Overheard by: fofalex

It's Not Like Anyone Else In This City Drives Sober!

1st Guy: Man I do not believe that shit.
2nd Guy:I know! It's expected you will be all nervous and shit.
1st Guy: Yah, that was BS that they smell one little blunt and they wont let me take the test.

-Outside the DMV in Harvey

Overheard by: Mags

"No More I Love You's", However, Was Like a Day at Blue Bayou Down My Face

Tattooed Bookworm: What do you mean I always end up the woman? I made it through "Total Eclipse of the Heart" with nary a tear!

-Flanagan's

Overheard by: cuntishness

Early Lessons in Excommunication

Pre-K student: When we plant flowers at church, we always have to talk about Jesus and God. I wonder why...
Teacher: Well... that's kind of the point of church...
Pre-K student: Well... if church is all about Jesus and God, why do we have to talk about SHEEP???!!

-Recess

Overheard by: straying from the fold

From The Transylvannian Candy Company

(Two Girls Perusing Strange Tropical Starburst Flavors)
Girl 1: Aztec Punch?
Girl 2: Wouldn't that just be... blood?
Girl 1: That's what I was thinking...

-A Diner in Kenner

Overheard by: Your Mom

Lessons a la Lohan

(Two hungover girls are smoking and wearing huge sunglasses)
Girl 1: Well, you know what they say: the best way to detox is to retox.
Girl 2: For sure.

-Loyola University

Overheard by: wheat thins

It's Their Number One Export

Bride-to-be: I hope he stays in Panama and gets syphilis!

-Rick's Cabaret

Oveheard by: Bridesmaid

Now Starring In Sea Sluts 1, 2 and 7

Mother: Look at that jellyfish. It has a lot of testicles.

-Audubon Aquarium

Overheard by: Tulane Student Adam

The Wonders of the Deep South Motel

Guest speaker, discussing risks of unprotected sex: And we shouldn't just be talking about men, I've got some women who like to have anal sex, too.
Audience member: Where they at?

-Tulane Ave.

Overheard by: try the internet

Except For Cheerleaders

(two girls are cutting out pictures of cheerleaders)
Girl 1: Help me find a black one.
Girl 2: (hits girl 1) Don't say that! All people are black inside!

-RSD elementary school

Overheard by: Songgirl12

Conversations That Were Common in Pre-K Chalmette

Lady on phone: And I even did a three-way with my mama..

-Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Kayla

Other Hobbies Include Football, Flying Kites and Rampant Denial

Guy in Leather Chaps: I love the cock, but I'm not gay... It's a recreational thing.

-Rawhide

Overheard by: mlebean

His Actual Job As An Intern At City Hall Explains the Need

Poker Player: I was downing gin like it was my job when I was thirteen.

-Harrah's casino

Overheard by: flyonthewall