Friday, October 26, 2007

Cultural Awareness Now With Every Happy Meal

Hungry Girl: Oh order the whole meal! We could get some 'papas fritas!'
Ditzy Girl: What's that?
Hungry Girl: It's French Fries.
Ditzy Girl: Oh my God! That's AMAZING!
Puerto Rican Guy: Um, no... That's SPANISH.

-McDonald's Drive Thru

Overheard by: Baxter, you know I don't speak Spanish

By Comparison, This Title Is Funny

Teacher 1: God this room is a mess.
Teacher 2: Don't worry! It's not nearly as bad as when Jim* worked here. Compared to how he left it this is amazing!
Teacher 1: Yes well, that's like saying the Jews have had it great since Hitler died. It's not much of a basis for comparison.

-elementary school

Overheard by: gentile neat freak

Go Into the Light, Carol Anne

Girl 1: GAH! Why do I keep looking at the flash?!
Girl 2: ...Moth?

-The Whirling Dervish

Overheard by: Minipeds

In Fact, You Probably Should Afterwards

Him: No, I can't come to your hotel room and swim in your pool. I have to get tested for AIDS.
Her: You can get tested for AIDS later!

-French Qaurter

Overheard by: Kramkrad

Samuel L. Jackson Spends His Nights Coding

Nerd At Bar: And by "woot," I mean "double u zero zero plus sign," motherfucker!

-Mojo Lounge

Overheard by: Pretty Princess

That's What I Call a Good Weekend

Teacher: and what would you be if you ran in the wet grass?
Second Grader 1: WET!
Teacher: and what else?
Second Grader 2: PUNISHED!


Overheard by: your mom

Too Bad He's Always Stale

Indie Girl: Christ on a cracker!
Indie Guy: um, where I go to church, Christ IS the cracker.


Overheard by: the ex

She's a Parselcunt

Girl 1: You just say you're in Slytherin because you think you look good in green.
Girl 2: No... I say I'm in Slytherin beacause I'm a cold-hearted, manipulative bitch!
Girl 1: Um... touchee.


Overheard by: Gryfflepuff Seeker

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Double Plus Good Thing

Health Insurance Trainer: So, every time you log into the system, Big Brother is watching you!
Bookkeeper: Oh my god!
Health Insurance Trainer: It's ok, it's a good thing! Big Brother is watching me too!

-The Office

Overheard by: a lowly proletariat

Sunday, September 16, 2007

That's Not Its Bellybutton

Girl #1: (speaking to a man sipping a martini) Your olive looks like it has a belly button.
Girl #2: It's called a pimento.

-Cooter Brown's

Overheard by: I Prefer Cosmopolitans

Thursday, August 23, 2007

If Only He Were On the Myspace Webaverse

Man on Bike (looking at guy walking with 3 girls): Man, some guys have all the luck.
Disenchanted Girl: And some guys are you.
Man on Bike: No, see, I'm a singer around here. I'm on the youtube internets.
(Man proceeds to sing gospel music while riding bike next to the group of people, who are ignoring him. Man, perplexed, looks at Disenchanted Girl.)
Man on Bike: Are you Jewish?
Disenchanted Girl: Yes.
Man on Bike: I was wondering why no one was enjoying the music.
Disenchanted Girl: That's not why.

-Bourbon Street

Overheard by: The Moderator

Assuming He Brings The Cowbell

Drunk Hipster: You know who could save this party? Christopher Walken.


Overheard by: The Masked Offender

Now Found on the "Songs of Pedophilia" Compilation CD

Chorus of children's voices from the next room: I see London, I see France, I see somebody's penis!

-Summer Camp

Overheard by: Concernicus

Who, Sadly, Is an Albino

Man on Porch: He wasn't that dark, really.


Overheard by: th shadow

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Next Week on ElimiDate

(Drunken Blonde and Goth Junkie boyfriend are stubling down the street.)G.J.: You haven't listen to a god damned thing that i've said all evening.
(G.J. pushes D.B. down on the sidewalk and she begins to cry.)
D.B.: (sobbing) Why did you push me down......why?
G.J.: Cause i love you...Bitch!

-Corner of St.Philip and Royal St.

Overheard by: Polish Prince

That's Cause He's Your Son

School Bookkeeper: That little boy always hugs me. I don't know that kid from a can of paint!

-Summer Camp

Overheard by: Tiger Lily

Lessons In White Girl Geography

Uptown girl on cell: I'm way down in the Lower Ninth Ward. It's even past the railroad tracks!

-3500 block of St. Claude

Overheard by: fofalex

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

It's Not Like Anyone Else In This City Drives Sober!

1st Guy: Man I do not believe that shit.
2nd Guy:I know! It's expected you will be all nervous and shit.
1st Guy: Yah, that was BS that they smell one little blunt and they wont let me take the test.

-Outside the DMV in Harvey

Overheard by: Mags

"No More I Love You's", However, Was Like a Day at Blue Bayou Down My Face

Tattooed Bookworm: What do you mean I always end up the woman? I made it through "Total Eclipse of the Heart" with nary a tear!


Overheard by: cuntishness

Early Lessons in Excommunication

Pre-K student: When we plant flowers at church, we always have to talk about Jesus and God. I wonder why...
Teacher: Well... that's kind of the point of church...
Pre-K student: Well... if church is all about Jesus and God, why do we have to talk about SHEEP???!!


Overheard by: straying from the fold

From The Transylvannian Candy Company

(Two Girls Perusing Strange Tropical Starburst Flavors)
Girl 1: Aztec Punch?
Girl 2: Wouldn't that just be... blood?
Girl 1: That's what I was thinking...

-A Diner in Kenner

Overheard by: Your Mom

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Lessons a la Lohan

(Two hungover girls are smoking and wearing huge sunglasses)
Girl 1: Well, you know what they say: the best way to detox is to retox.
Girl 2: For sure.

-Loyola University

Overheard by: wheat thins

Monday, June 18, 2007

It's Their Number One Export

Bride-to-be: I hope he stays in Panama and gets syphilis!

-Rick's Cabaret

Oveheard by: Bridesmaid

Now Starring In Sea Sluts 1, 2 and 7

Mother: Look at that jellyfish. It has a lot of testicles.

-Audubon Aquarium

Overheard by: Tulane Student Adam

The Wonders of the Deep South Motel

Guest speaker, discussing risks of unprotected sex: And we shouldn't just be talking about men, I've got some women who like to have anal sex, too.
Audience member: Where they at?

-Tulane Ave.

Overheard by: try the internet

Except For Cheerleaders

(two girls are cutting out pictures of cheerleaders)
Girl 1: Help me find a black one.
Girl 2: (hits girl 1) Don't say that! All people are black inside!

-RSD elementary school

Overheard by: Songgirl12

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Conversations That Were Common in Pre-K Chalmette

Lady on phone: And I even did a three-way with my mama..

-Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Kayla

Other Hobbies Include Football, Flying Kites and Rampant Denial

Guy in Leather Chaps: I love the cock, but I'm not gay... It's a recreational thing.


Overheard by: mlebean

His Actual Job As An Intern At City Hall Explains the Need

Poker Player: I was downing gin like it was my job when I was thirteen.

-Harrah's casino

Overheard by: flyonthewall

No, But I Can Give You This Pocket Lint If You Stop Talking

Local crack-head lady: You got some change for the clinic? I got the ass cancer.

-Milan St

Overheard by: Got my gypsy mallet

A Student Relaxes After a Post-Feminist Poetry Reading

Bar Patron: Fuck that, its the 21st century, women can wear pants now. Suck my fucking spunk!

-Mojo Lounge

Overheard by: DJ Nanashi

Friday, June 1, 2007

Please Excuse Me, I Have to Go Be a Cliche Somewhere Else Now

Hot goth dancing girl: I hate life and I'll drink until I die.

-One Eyed Jacks

Overheard by: 31 Flavaz

The Fundamentals of the Career

Stripper 1: That tab of X that A. sold me was shit.
Stripper 2: Well, you appeared to be pretty high a while ago.
Stripper 1: Oh, that was all the coke I did!

-New Orleans East

Overheard by: dianalily

That's No Drag Queen, That's Chris Owens

Man: Yeah, that was strange when my mom was cruising the drag queen I used to fuck.

-Mojo Lounge

Overheard by: cuntishness

Thursday, May 31, 2007

I'd Arrest Him, But I'm Too Stoned To Move

(Raver stumbles/falls through door, with teeth chattering)
Cop: Ha, that kid was rolling balls!

-The Venue on Tchoup

Overheard by: miss lilly

Where The Surplus Budget Comes From

Teacher: Oh! It's 20 working days, not 20 days!
Book Keeper: So, 5 weeks.
Teacher: Right.
Secretary: Umm, 4 weeks...5 working days in a week...times 4...
Book Keeper: Oh, well I was...I shouldn't be doing books.

-Elementary School Office

Overheard by: The Secretary

Like In Jars?

Girl: I've been seeing blood a lot lately.
Guy: (straightfaced) That's not good.
Girl: Oh it's okay, it's not mine.

-Courtyard, Ritz-Carlton Hotel

Overheard by: DoomsdayKlock

Well, Without Paying Her, At Least

Metal-head Mobster Looking Guy: That's the only time I've ever seen a girl vomit into her OWN rectum...

-French Quarter

Overheard by: Squee

And She Teaches Sex Ed

Teacher: Ugh I'm so stressed out. I think I just got pregnant.
Secretary: Oh is that how it happens?
Principal: I thought you were less likely to get pregnant when you're stressed out...
Teacher: Well, I haven't been taking my birth control pills...

-Elementary School Office

Overheard by: Confused Secretary

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Stricter Parenting Than Joan Crawford

(NOPD officer on a SWAT Roll with an armed barricaded subject walks up to the house and bangs on the door)
Officer: Son! Open this Motherfucking door RIGHT NOW!
Perp(opening door): Daddy? I didn't mean nothin...

-Da St. Thomas, dem bricks.

Overheard by: sig26

Take THAT, Traditional Gender Roles

(Playing Scene-It Squabble)
Game: The Following are types of what? 1) Malibu...
Girly-Girl: RUM!
Macho-Guy: BARBIE!


Overheard by: Beer Wench

Nike's New Ad Campaign

Hipster Guy 1: Ah, puppies in a dryer. I bet that would sound like a pair of tennis shoes, but louder...
Hipster Guy 2: Yeah, except tennis shoes don't scream...
Hipster Guy 3: Mmm, but they're sooo warm...

-House Party

Overheard by: Jezebel383

This Geography Lesson Was Brought To You By The Following Numbers and Letters

Attorrney: Where were you standing when the crash occurred?
Witness: At the corner of Magazine and C L Ten.


Overheard by: Skeeters

Saturday, May 26, 2007

New Orleans Family Values

Girl 1: At least I know when my birthday is.
Girl 2: Hey! I know when my birthday is, I just don't know who my dad is.

-Front porch of a house party, Mid-City

Overheard by: Mountainbrat

The New Crescent City Classic

(Two guys are jogging. They pause to catch their breath.)
1st guy: Why do we do this again?
2nd guy: In case we have to use the FEMA evacuation plan again.
1st guy: Oh yeah, the run motherF**** run plan.

-Algiers Point

Overheard by: Mags

If Only All Priests Thought Like That

A guy at the bar: I believe in God, and that's the only thing keeping me from being a pedophile.

-The Saint

Overheard by: VidVicious

Friday, May 25, 2007

Ways To Fix the School System

Unidentified Person: I'm talking alot different these days. It seems Prozac is a cure for Ebonics.


Overheard by: tastee donut

Thursday, May 24, 2007

And That's How I Met Your Father

Gutter Punk (to girl passing by): Hey baby. I just got out of prison and I don't have any STDs!

- Jackson Square

Overheard by: Miss Snefanie

Where Does ANY Woman Keep Her Superpowers?

Drunk Old Guy: Hey, Superwoman! Where you got your superpowers at?
(Girl dressed as She-Ra turns around. He ogles her cleavage)
Drunk Old Guy: Oh! I see!

-St Charles Ave, Mardi Gras Day

Overheard by: SongbirdElsha

Brit-Brit Used To Say The Same Thing To Justin

Little girl talking to mom: Sometimes I cry because I miss you. Sometimes I cry because I want to get married. Sometimes I cry because I want to be in a movie.

-Elementary School

Overheard by: Tiger Lily