I'd Arrest Him, But I'm Too Stoned To Move

(Raver stumbles/falls through door, with teeth chattering)
Cop: Ha, that kid was rolling balls!

-The Venue on Tchoup

Overheard by: miss lilly

Where The Surplus Budget Comes From

Teacher: Oh! It's 20 working days, not 20 days!
Book Keeper: So, 5 weeks.
Teacher: Right.
Secretary: Umm, 4 weeks...5 working days in a week...times 4...
Book Keeper: Oh, well I was...I shouldn't be doing books.

-Elementary School Office

Overheard by: The Secretary

Like In Jars?

Girl: I've been seeing blood a lot lately.
Guy: (straightfaced) That's not good.
Girl: Oh it's okay, it's not mine.

-Courtyard, Ritz-Carlton Hotel

Overheard by: DoomsdayKlock

Well, Without Paying Her, At Least

Metal-head Mobster Looking Guy: That's the only time I've ever seen a girl vomit into her OWN rectum...

-French Quarter

Overheard by: Squee

And She Teaches Sex Ed

Teacher: Ugh I'm so stressed out. I think I just got pregnant.
Secretary: Oh is that how it happens?
Principal: I thought you were less likely to get pregnant when you're stressed out...
Teacher: Well, I haven't been taking my birth control pills...

-Elementary School Office

Overheard by: Confused Secretary

Stricter Parenting Than Joan Crawford

(NOPD officer on a SWAT Roll with an armed barricaded subject walks up to the house and bangs on the door)
Officer: Son! Open this Motherfucking door RIGHT NOW!
Perp(opening door): Daddy? I didn't mean nothin...

-Da St. Thomas, dem bricks.

Overheard by: sig26

Take THAT, Traditional Gender Roles

(Playing Scene-It Squabble)
Game: The Following are types of what? 1) Malibu...
Girly-Girl: RUM!
Macho-Guy: BARBIE!

-Harahan

Overheard by: Beer Wench

Nike's New Ad Campaign

Hipster Guy 1: Ah, puppies in a dryer. I bet that would sound like a pair of tennis shoes, but louder...
Hipster Guy 2: Yeah, except tennis shoes don't scream...
Hipster Guy 3: Mmm, but they're sooo warm...

-House Party

Overheard by: Jezebel383

This Geography Lesson Was Brought To You By The Following Numbers and Letters

Attorrney: Where were you standing when the crash occurred?
Witness: At the corner of Magazine and C L Ten.

-Deposition

Overheard by: Skeeters

New Orleans Family Values

Girl 1: At least I know when my birthday is.
Girl 2: Hey! I know when my birthday is, I just don't know who my dad is.

-Front porch of a house party, Mid-City

Overheard by: Mountainbrat

The New Crescent City Classic

(Two guys are jogging. They pause to catch their breath.)
1st guy: Why do we do this again?
2nd guy: In case we have to use the FEMA evacuation plan again.
1st guy: Oh yeah, the run motherF**** run plan.

-Algiers Point

Overheard by: Mags

If Only All Priests Thought Like That

A guy at the bar: I believe in God, and that's the only thing keeping me from being a pedophile.

-The Saint

Overheard by: VidVicious

Ways To Fix the School System

Unidentified Person: I'm talking alot different these days. It seems Prozac is a cure for Ebonics.

-Vaughan's

Overheard by: tastee donut

And That's How I Met Your Father

Gutter Punk (to girl passing by): Hey baby. I just got out of prison and I don't have any STDs!

- Jackson Square

Overheard by: Miss Snefanie

Where Does ANY Woman Keep Her Superpowers?

Drunk Old Guy: Hey, Superwoman! Where you got your superpowers at?
(Girl dressed as She-Ra turns around. He ogles her cleavage)
Drunk Old Guy: Oh! I see!

-St Charles Ave, Mardi Gras Day

Overheard by: SongbirdElsha

Brit-Brit Used To Say The Same Thing To Justin

Little girl talking to mom: Sometimes I cry because I miss you. Sometimes I cry because I want to get married. Sometimes I cry because I want to be in a movie.

-Elementary School

Overheard by: Tiger Lily