Lessons a la Lohan

(Two hungover girls are smoking and wearing huge sunglasses)
Girl 1: Well, you know what they say: the best way to detox is to retox.
Girl 2: For sure.

-Loyola University

Overheard by: wheat thins

It's Their Number One Export

Bride-to-be: I hope he stays in Panama and gets syphilis!

-Rick's Cabaret

Oveheard by: Bridesmaid

Now Starring In Sea Sluts 1, 2 and 7

Mother: Look at that jellyfish. It has a lot of testicles.

-Audubon Aquarium

Overheard by: Tulane Student Adam

The Wonders of the Deep South Motel

Guest speaker, discussing risks of unprotected sex: And we shouldn't just be talking about men, I've got some women who like to have anal sex, too.
Audience member: Where they at?

-Tulane Ave.

Overheard by: try the internet

Except For Cheerleaders

(two girls are cutting out pictures of cheerleaders)
Girl 1: Help me find a black one.
Girl 2: (hits girl 1) Don't say that! All people are black inside!

-RSD elementary school

Overheard by: Songgirl12

Conversations That Were Common in Pre-K Chalmette

Lady on phone: And I even did a three-way with my mama..

-Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Kayla

Other Hobbies Include Football, Flying Kites and Rampant Denial

Guy in Leather Chaps: I love the cock, but I'm not gay... It's a recreational thing.

-Rawhide

Overheard by: mlebean

His Actual Job As An Intern At City Hall Explains the Need

Poker Player: I was downing gin like it was my job when I was thirteen.

-Harrah's casino

Overheard by: flyonthewall

No, But I Can Give You This Pocket Lint If You Stop Talking

Local crack-head lady: You got some change for the clinic? I got the ass cancer.

-Milan St

Overheard by: Got my gypsy mallet

A Student Relaxes After a Post-Feminist Poetry Reading

Bar Patron: Fuck that, its the 21st century, women can wear pants now. Suck my fucking spunk!

-Mojo Lounge

Overheard by: DJ Nanashi

Please Excuse Me, I Have to Go Be a Cliche Somewhere Else Now

Hot goth dancing girl: I hate life and I'll drink until I die.

-One Eyed Jacks

Overheard by: 31 Flavaz

The Fundamentals of the Career

Stripper 1: That tab of X that A. sold me was shit.
Stripper 2: Well, you appeared to be pretty high a while ago.
Stripper 1: Oh, that was all the coke I did!

-New Orleans East

Overheard by: dianalily

That's No Drag Queen, That's Chris Owens

Man: Yeah, that was strange when my mom was cruising the drag queen I used to fuck.

-Mojo Lounge

Overheard by: cuntishness