Double Plus Good Thing

Health Insurance Trainer: So, every time you log into the system, Big Brother is watching you!
Bookkeeper: Oh my god!
Health Insurance Trainer: It's ok, it's a good thing! Big Brother is watching me too!

-The Office

Overheard by: a lowly proletariat

That's Not Its Bellybutton

Girl #1: (speaking to a man sipping a martini) Your olive looks like it has a belly button.
Girl #2: It's called a pimento.

-Cooter Brown's

Overheard by: I Prefer Cosmopolitans