Too Bad He's Always Stale

Indie Girl: Christ on a cracker!
Indie Guy: um, where I go to church, Christ IS the cracker.

-uptown

Overheard by: the ex

She's a Parselcunt

Girl 1: You just say you're in Slytherin because you think you look good in green.
Girl 2: No... I say I'm in Slytherin beacause I'm a cold-hearted, manipulative bitch!
Girl 1: Um... touchee.

-Bennigans

Overheard by: Gryfflepuff Seeker

Double Plus Good Thing

Health Insurance Trainer: So, every time you log into the system, Big Brother is watching you!
Bookkeeper: Oh my god!
Health Insurance Trainer: It's ok, it's a good thing! Big Brother is watching me too!

-The Office

Overheard by: a lowly proletariat

That's Not Its Bellybutton

Girl #1: (speaking to a man sipping a martini) Your olive looks like it has a belly button.
Girl #2: It's called a pimento.

-Cooter Brown's

Overheard by: I Prefer Cosmopolitans

If Only He Were On the Myspace Webaverse

Man on Bike (looking at guy walking with 3 girls): Man, some guys have all the luck.
Disenchanted Girl: And some guys are you.
Man on Bike: No, see, I'm a singer around here. I'm on the youtube internets.
(Man proceeds to sing gospel music while riding bike next to the group of people, who are ignoring him. Man, perplexed, looks at Disenchanted Girl.)
Man on Bike: Are you Jewish?
Disenchanted Girl: Yes.
Man on Bike: I was wondering why no one was enjoying the music.
Disenchanted Girl: That's not why.

-Bourbon Street

Overheard by: The Moderator

Assuming He Brings The Cowbell

Drunk Hipster: You know who could save this party? Christopher Walken.

-Uptown

Overheard by: The Masked Offender

Now Found on the "Songs of Pedophilia" Compilation CD

Chorus of children's voices from the next room: I see London, I see France, I see somebody's penis!

-Summer Camp

Overheard by: Concernicus

Who, Sadly, Is an Albino

Man on Porch: He wasn't that dark, really.
Other Man on Porch: HE WAS BLACK AS THE APE OF SPAIN!

-Uptown

Overheard by: th shadow

Next Week on ElimiDate

(Drunken Blonde and Goth Junkie boyfriend are stubling down the street.)G.J.: You haven't listen to a god damned thing that i've said all evening.
(G.J. pushes D.B. down on the sidewalk and she begins to cry.)
D.B.: (sobbing) Why did you push me down......why?
G.J.: Cause i love you...Bitch!

-Corner of St.Philip and Royal St.

Overheard by: Polish Prince

That's Cause He's Your Son

School Bookkeeper: That little boy always hugs me. I don't know that kid from a can of paint!

-Summer Camp

Overheard by: Tiger Lily

Lessons In White Girl Geography

Uptown girl on cell: I'm way down in the Lower Ninth Ward. It's even past the railroad tracks!

-3500 block of St. Claude

Overheard by: fofalex

It's Not Like Anyone Else In This City Drives Sober!

1st Guy: Man I do not believe that shit.
2nd Guy:I know! It's expected you will be all nervous and shit.
1st Guy: Yah, that was BS that they smell one little blunt and they wont let me take the test.

-Outside the DMV in Harvey

Overheard by: Mags

"No More I Love You's", However, Was Like a Day at Blue Bayou Down My Face

Tattooed Bookworm: What do you mean I always end up the woman? I made it through "Total Eclipse of the Heart" with nary a tear!

-Flanagan's

Overheard by: cuntishness

Early Lessons in Excommunication

Pre-K student: When we plant flowers at church, we always have to talk about Jesus and God. I wonder why...
Teacher: Well... that's kind of the point of church...
Pre-K student: Well... if church is all about Jesus and God, why do we have to talk about SHEEP???!!

-Recess

Overheard by: straying from the fold

From The Transylvannian Candy Company

(Two Girls Perusing Strange Tropical Starburst Flavors)
Girl 1: Aztec Punch?
Girl 2: Wouldn't that just be... blood?
Girl 1: That's what I was thinking...

-A Diner in Kenner

Overheard by: Your Mom